when you catch me…
…listening to instrumental songs and typing in here 2 days in a row, you know something’s just not right. well…frankly, i can’t put my finger on anything. the most obvious thing is the point it at my excruciating pain on the back and shoulders. but i think i can also attribute it to some sort of disenchantment in my life. being unsatisfied as to where i’m heading and where i’ve been through.
where am i heading? i don’t have a particularly convincing answer to that. i wish i knew. when will the ache on my back stop? i don’t know. every sort of treatment i’ve had…from the fucking massages from countless sin se’s, to the fucking useless western doctors, to the bloody chinese traditional doctor who massaged fucking hard and gave me acupuncture, to the specialist who was only interested in asking me to go for an MRI scan which costs a thousand bucks. none of these fuckers gave a shit whether i cure or not. they’re just in it for the cash. fuck you doctors out there. you’re all fucking useless.
yes, i’m pissed. and seemingly emotionally unstable too. well, guess that’s cos i am. i’m so frustrated. and how bout at work? just a bloody drag to get up in the morning, little things to inspire me or to look forward to. i’m at a lost to find a direction. i need to see the ray of light from somewhere. or to get a strong arm to support me while i’m crashing down so helplessly. i know there are plenty out there who would come to me at the ring of a phone call if i needed it. but sometimes it’s most precious when you don’t ask for it, yet get all you need at that very point in time.
ah… i’m so tired. i feel like i’m destined for bigger and better things. like everyone must feel when they’re young and dreamy. me..i don’t know. i feel like my legs won’t carry me much further than i’ve gone. i enjoy the very simplest things in life but right now…i seem to enjoy very little at all…
