i don’t know…
…whether it is that i’m burnt out. i don’t know whether i’m tired of living this life. i don’t know whether things just do little to excite me anymore. i don’t know whether i’m just losing a part of me. i don’t know whether my constant back and shoulder aches, headaches, muscle aches or fragile body is just causing all the mental frailty i seem to be enduring at the moment.
i don’t know. there are so many things i don’t know. so many things i wish for. so many desires unsatisfied. yet i know they all seem like a million miles from where i really am right now. if there’s anything i know, it’s that people are just so ungrateful at times. i know there’s so much going on for me at the moment. there would be people who’d kill to be where i am. yet, as human nature demands, my thirst for desires seem to be unquenchable. what an idiot i am.
would it be a sign of weakness on my part to feel so vulnerable, so susceptible to falling and breaking. this is certainly not the first time i’ve felt so lost, like i don’t belong. and i guess these are times that will continue re-occuring throughout my lifetime. i just wonder how i dealt with it before, and how i should deal with it in the future. these may be what people used to call ‘mid life crisis’. so i guess i would just loosely use the word ‘quarter life crisis’ here then. why loosely? cos i’ve probably used that phrase about 100 times before. funny then that i allow myself to creep back into this state if i’ve had so much experience of it before eh?
i saw signs of this happening months back. i did little to try avoid it. why? i’m not too sure. perhaps my personality just dictates that i’m constantly contradicting myself. i guess the next time i foresee this coming, i should act swiftly to sway away? but how? i really have no idea. how do i excite myself? put some emotions or perspective back? be more appreciative? work on getting my body into a healthier state? funny thing bout that one though, cos i do really honestly think my body is only reacting to how my mental state is. messed up. what do you suggest? what can you suggest? i wonder once more…
October 28th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
Well written article.