been a long time eh?
it’s been some time since i last posted anything in here eh. since 26 march, if the date on the last post is to be believed. let me tell you what eh, that’s a long long time for me.
what can i say bout things since 26 march. well…life wouldn’t be life for me if it wasn’t filled with quite drastic fluctuations of joy and despair from a second to another. i’m beginning to think this is all my fault. maybe i just don’t have that kind of ability to handle the things i need to handle. maybe i’m just rushing everything so much that i’m too obsessed with getting things right for the future rather than enjoy ‘the moment’. i know i have said this many times but i seem to be a creature that’s not great at learning certain things. i suppose i don’t change too much cos if i do, i may feel as though i’m losing me. so…just a matter of getting a balance i suppose. something i’m trying to learn.
let’s talk bout the past 3 weeks. firstly, never worked this hard in my life. worked so so hard that i hardly have time for anything else besides eating, showering and sleeping. and even if i did have the time, i didn’t have the energy. man, that was tiring alright. also been under so much stress in this time. i have to be honest. at times, i was so tempted to just drop everything and quit. just run. escape. but then again, it wouldn’t be me if i did that, would it?
is it all too much for me to handle right now? i don’t know. i’m trying the best i can to plan for the best possible future. and i’m suffering in the present at times. like trying to save up and stuff. and even when i think to myself, my morale is so so low, i wanna pamper myself by buying something nice for myself, but i don’t actually know what i want. or rather, the things i want, i wouldn’t spend that kinda money for them.
let me just tell you this yeah, sometimes it feels horrible not having any friends around. like…real friends. those who you know would be there, not judging you or slapping you about, but just be a friend. and it’s horrible to feel morale that’s so low that it’s the worst since graduating from uni. at least when i was feeling horrible in the past, i could just call up random ppl and just go out and hang. but now..bah. i guess there are goods and bads to everything. perhaps morale is too low at the moment to attempt seeing the goods. so there you go, first post in ages, and it’s a depressing one. may have been a while since i posted something, but some things just don’t change eh? hah…
