Ching Szuen

i was having a little chat with lin aun earlier. we spoke of our fears. our thoughts. our worries. our ideas of what life is. we’ve been sharing one another’s lives since we were something like 14. it is then no surprise that we share some similar views or ideas of what all this is about. what is life all about? have you questioned the reason for you existence? have you wondered the meaning of living?

me, i’m living because of 2 things. i’m living because i feel indebted to repay what my parents have given in raising me. i feel i must give them back a good life to show my gratitude. i don’t want to let my parents, nor my grandparents, down by just leaving. if it weren’t for this, i would have left the world a few years back. and the second reason? because of love. i wish to find love. i wish to give love. i wish to receive love. i’m very much the sort that lets his heart control his mind when it comes to love. so you can probably tell how much it means to me if i give up rationality for it.

yet…i’ve always hit some sort of a bump when love comes around. it hasn’t come that many times, but when it does, it’s always bittersweet. i suppose i’m as naive as anyone could be in hoping that giving my absolute best would represent a chance of reaching happiness in love. would i be stupid if i felt like i’m unappreciated? would i be foolish to think that people all around me are ungrateful? am i ungrateful myself for thinking that everyone surrounding me are ungrateful? hah.. some days…i just wish i could be a huge ass jerk who doesn’t give a shit about putting in any effort in anyone. some days…i just feel like giving up on life because i deserve better than this kind of crap.