Ching Szuen

so…i was told recently that a certain someone has a lower level of expectations of me compared to another. and then i think, why so? why lower expectations of me? is that the general feeling amongst people? and then i think again, could it be that you have a lower level of expectations of me because i had already reached them? because i have probably already exceeded them? it is so common that you don’t realise something that’s already there, but only when it is missing. could the same be said of expectations? you wouldn’t expect something that’s already achieved. in comparison, if someone has still got a long way to go, your expectations would in a way be ‘more’ because there is still a lot lacking. funny then, that anyone could find any fault in me in terms of my strength, desire, determination and ability. talking myself up? nah…merely pointing out that i am proud to have acheived what i have despite some trying times.

i met up with aileen. i met her in uni during arguably the most…challenging period of my life thus far. she asked me about a couple of friends i have lost touch with due to disagreements and what not. it made me think back to my experience back then. how stupid i was in handling certain scenarios. and how hard i strive to learn from them since. thought about the regrets, the joys. the pains, the laughters. it’s too bad then that i couldn’t go back and rectify some moments of idiocy. but now…now i want to learn from all that and strive for the best. the best that i can give of myself. unfortunately, life isn’t that kind. even when you know you could give so much, and you want to give so much, it does not mean you have the chance to do so. so when you get the opportunity to give, give it your best shot cos you may not get a second chance.

right now i’m back in singapore again. it is christmas day and to be honest, i hardly look forward to christmas days. i’m not a christian. i don’t really give gifts. i don’t receive them. it’s really just another holiday. but this year, i was looking forward to it. i was looking forward to a chance to be good, to be giving, to be able to make someone happy. and yup, just like i said up there, there wasn’t even the opportunity to do so though i wanted to give. i wasn’t even thinking of receiving anything from anyone but just wanted to give a little. and there isn’t even that chance. now…how sad is that? hah…

well if you’re wondering why i seem to maybe post a little less in here, it’s cos usually i’ll be here when i’m down in the dumps. which means that when i’m relatively pleased with my life, i’d spend less time here. so..since i’m pretty delighted the past couple of weeks, i found less need to rant in here to release stress. haha

so…what do i say. ermmm..well…let’s start from saturday. saturday i met up with mei seen. mei came to singapore with a friend. i met up with her at suntec. also got to meet 3 of her friends. i told her i would rather not meet up with her friends cos i don’t really like to make small talk with people i don’t care about. so…i hardly made the effort. haha no..it’s not that i’m antisocial. it’s just that i rather spend my weekend meeting up with old faces, rather than meeting some ppl i know i’m just gonna meet once, make some stupid small talk, then they’re out of my lives forever. it’s so pointless, i feel. oh well…that’s just me sometimes.

anyway..we went to suntec, went to china town, she came to visit my place over here in singapore, brought her to holland village. then sent her back to her friends. so..that was it lah. nothing too interesting. walked soooooo many hours. so tiring. but it was good to see an old friend in singapore lah. all you ppl! visit me more!!!

sunday…sunday was a peach. well..during the day time anyway. wonderful sunday i had, but at night, i had to iron clothes, do laundry, and then when i watched footie, chelski came from behind and won while united lost. ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CURSE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *ahem*  anyway….yup, great sunday.

started with a fantastic last weekend. work on monday and tuesday. played football on tuesday night. took wednesday off to see the physio. thursday was spent preparing and enjoying company’s dinner and dance event, culminating in a friday taken off to enjoy a longer weekend. i know, i know. it doesn’t sound that interesting or great. but trust me, this is the type of week that i dream of. this is the type of week i hope for all the time. this is the type of week i wish would last an entire lifetime. and beyond.

anyway, gonna go for physiotherapy tomorrow to try learn some exercises or something that could help my back. it’s so painful, i swear, i feel like breaking someone’s back just so i wouldn’t suffer alone. yes…misery loves company. hahahaha

anyway..last night, gooi woke me. to tell his sis about economics cos she just finished her spm and is thinking of taking up econs. what the hell. that guy…spoilt my sleep. but i guess it’s alright if i manage to help her. i doubt that i did though. blabbering too much. hahahah

well…played football tonight. which is ironic given that my back aches like hell. but i guess i need to lose some weight. so…heck it lah. haha got kicked on my left ankle. what a lousy challenge from that ass as well. kicked me from behind. bugger. and a couple of guys were using their hands to try push me off the ball too. unfortunately for them, i’m too strong and too skilful. hahahaha nothing much about football. i was my usual super skillful self. hahahaha particularly pleased with 1 goal i scored when i was standing on the left side of the goal. someone took a shot i think, somehow the ball came to me and i instinctively hit it first time with the outside of my right boot and into the net. all the guys were cheering for that goal too. good fun.

ahhh…well…if i didn’t look any further than today, then yes, this weekend was more than i had ever imagined. wonderful. but i guess i can’t help just wishing i could be in the bigger picture. cos right now, i have absolutely no reason not wanting to be in it. it’s a very URGH situation. URGH…

oh..and i’m not watching football tonight. yes, shocking. i know. i’ve been banned from it tonight. so…no choice. haha on a brighter side, i got 3 new shirts. there’s a little sale going on. so got me a few needed additions to my wardrobe. must say, well pleased with them. all pretty shirts. especially the one from timberland. love it.