Ching Szuen

sometimes ppl look at me and think, gee…this guy is hopeless. he’s so playful, childish, does he even know what he wants out of life? does he have targets? ambitions? direction? does he know what is important in life? does he understand life is so much more than chasing after 1 lady who doesn’t even care for his existence? haha yes…i know you think of me that way. but really, how well do you know me? as i said in my previous post, maybe you don’t understand me, maybe you never tried to understand me.

well, to start with, i had a torrid time when i was in uni at manchester. it was not a time when absolutely everything went against me. of course i had some wonderful memories to take home with me too. but on the whole, it was not pleasant. and then i graduated, and i went back to kl and i had options of where to work.

but my decision was not to hang around in kl when i could have an opportunity to come to singapore. why singapore? unlike the motivations of some friends to work overseas, it wasn’t cos of a girl, nor was it so much to do with the money, nor was it so much to do with getting away from nagging parents. haha i chose to come to singapore so i could learn quicker. so i could learn better. i chose to come because this is the financial hub of south east asia. i knew that if i wanted to be successful, and if there’s anywhere to start, it would have to be here. and i knew i wanted to be independent. i knew i wanted to be able to live on my own hard work, i want to support myself. and be proud of what i can achieve with my own two hands. which 22 year old (not that age matters. *ahem* *ahem* haha) can really claim to be fully independent? can you say you’re not at all dependent on your parents? are you driving a car your dad bought? are you living rent-free in a house your dad bought? are you eating food your dad bought? are you even paying for the toothpaste you use to brush your teeth in the morning? haha i don’t think many out there can say ‘yes’ to each of that.

well, i started here with a plan to stay for at least 2 years, try get some promotion, experience and knowledge, then review my position of whether to stay with the firm, to stay in singapore with another firm, or to try further my ambitions some more in australia or uk. and so what if i choose to stay with this firm? i counted and guess what? there is a possibility of me being a director when i touch 30 years old (again, not that age really matters. *ahem* hahaha). is that poor? am i really doing poorly?

when i first came, i knew like 3 people. and these weren’t like close friends or anything. i came into the country just like how i went into college, just like how i went into uni. i knew no one. i was on my own. i was on a mission to achieve my goals. and i’m on my way. i’ve already been here 7 months. i’ve had loadsa good times, some not so good ones, but i’ve hung around, and i’m proud to have hung around. i could easily have buckled and caved from my manchester experience, but i didn’t.

why do i think about other aspects of life? what? you think i only think about women and nothing else? why don’t you teach me what am i supposed to do? i’m still learning everyday from my job, it’s progressing just fine. my family is how it’s always been, and i needn’t worry there. my financial situation is fine with investments and savings and insurance plans everywhere. my health is generally fine besides my back and shoulder problems which i’m trying to cure right at this moment as we speak (using some ultralight, whatever stuff to shine on it. haha). i can only worry about problems that are happening right now.

am i supposed to worry what if *touch wood* someone in my family falls ill? should i worry what if i lose my job? should i worry what if my investment goes bad? what should i worry about? these things are not happening. and if touch wood they do happen, i would have the ability and strength to face them and solve them. why do you look down on me for?

work on my career? the promotion structure is so rigid in an organisation like mine. would it matter if i put in double the effort that i do now? no. because i would still be promoted the way everyone else does. maybe i get an extra month’s bonus. but which is more important? a little more cash or quality of life? there’s always an opportunity cost to our choices. how bout moving to another firm? who would offer me more than what i’m getting now? i have little experience or knowledge to offer, i couldn’t move upwards unless i stick to my 2 year plan.

work on my savings? i can only save how much i earn. and i’ve already tried to increase my wealth through investments. and i have a 25 year savings/insurance plan. how’s that for looking long term? i have fixed deposits for the shorter term. what else can i do? rob the bank? haha

work on my family relations? well, they’re so far away, it would be difficult. and even if they weren’t, i’m comfortable enough with how it is. it’s been this way for so long. i’m very very gradually trying to change things, and it’s moving along micrometre by micrometre but it’s moving.

work on my health? i do lots of exercise. i play lots of sports as you should all be aware. maybe my mental health is a little disrupted sometimes but i do try to learn to cope. i do try to learn from each experience. i’m growing.

work on friendships? well…if you ask my friends, i’m sure most of them would tell you i’m a decent enough friend. whenever i go back, i look for people. when they’re back from overseas, i go back just to meet up. i try the best i can, and i am always sincere to them.