you know what blows…
…about me making plans or thinking about the future? it is that nothing i plan, and nothing i think of about the future ever pens out to be the way it is in my mind. if anything, it’s always the opposite. if i picture something in my mind to be white, it’ll almost certainly be black. if it’s something tall, then surely it’ll turn to be short. i’m sure you get the drift.
do you have any idea how frustrating that is? i just watched click. the one by adam sandler. i love the guy. he’s funny. but the movie is of course about the difficulties he face, the conundrums of life. i mean, of course there are some crazy twists about them that’s improbable but the gist of it is, pain first, and lots of it, then happy ending. it’s always a happy ending. movies are almost always ending with a good vibe. giving us hope that though our life may suck, we have hope, or a chance to have a happy ending of our own. because we deserve it.
and then i think, ok, i have had to deal with a lot of shit in my life. this or that, whatever it is. it seems like my luck is just amazingly crazy. i just can’t seem to catch a lucky break. just to put it into perspective, i missed my company’s bonus payout by 1 day. and there’s no way to give me a thousand bucks just cos i missed it by 1 day. but it’s ok. i persevere. i hang around. i fight and i fight and i fight some more for whatever i wish for, whatever i dream for in my life. but when can i have the light at the end of the tunnel? when may i have my very own happy ending? i don’t need a thousand bucks to make me happy. i just need to see there’s hope for me to catch just 1 break, just for a chance. and it doesn’t look like it’s anywhere near. it’s bleak. do i not deserve my very own happy ending?
