Ching Szuen

…of paragraphs. then i scraped it. why? cos these days when i type, at some point i will turn speechless. i haven’t got anyone i can confide this to. it’s killing me from the inside. and it’s painful. and it’s even more painful that she thinks i’m confused. or blur. or unsure. it’s even more painful that she doubts. she doesn’t believe. she doesn’t trust. but it’s ok. because i will sit. and i will wait. for i believe.

would you even understand me if i said that some days, i feel like ripping my heart out, and putting it right there on the table, just to tell her, ‘look at this. i am perfectly honest with you. you give me absolutely no reason to deceive you. and it is bleeding so profusely for you, just waiting for you to make it beat again, for me to breathe again’. so i guess it’s back to the chair i go. where i will sit. and i will wait some more. even if it’s dreadfully eating my life away, i will continue to wait. because she is worth waiting for.

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