it’s thursday night…
…and today has been almost as brutal as the 29th of June. all day today, i had to do minutes for a meeting that i did not attend. how to do it? listen from a recorder. the fact that the project isn’t mine meant i knew nothing didn’t help me at all. and some of you might know that i am a little hard for hearing. both my parents are a little impaired so i presume i got that from them. so needless to say, i took a real long time to do it. constantly rewinding to listen to the words spoken. sometimes up to 7 or 8 times just to catch 1 word. and i wouldn’t be able to catch it anyway in the end. just like what i do in most other things, i wanna do it well and i wanna do it right and i wanna do it quick. so i was extremely frustrated to be doing that all day.
then i got a comment that implied i was ‘inefficient’ doing that and that i was ‘wasting time sulking over it’. it was quite disappointing as i wasn’t meant to do the minutes in the first place. and even more disappointing who shot me the comment. it’s not like i don’t wanna do it efficiently. it’s that i did not have the sufficient tools to do it well enough. i was already frustrated all day about being unable to finish it off quickly, and to receive that criticism was a blow slightly below the belt. plus, it is because i have high expectations of myself that made me frustrated. not that i was sulking.
in any case, the day just got that much worse when i got another piece of news from the person. this one is a bit more of a personal impact rather than a work one. it is the same bit of news that made the clouds cover my skies as the one i got on the 29th June. you see, the thing is, this is one thing that i shouldn’t even be unhappy about. if anything, i should be happy for this person. but i am not. does that make me selfish to hope for something else? does it make me bad for wanting something else? maybe i’m just being stupid. let’s face it, i’ve had many stupid moments. too many to even mention. but somehow, i still feel unhappy about it and surprised at how unhappy i am about it. i just have a horrible annoying habit of not knowing when to give up. to give things a shot even if i know the chances of me getting what i want is so minute. to try having a go even if i know i will get shot down. and you know what the funniest part of my day was? i went to pay my cable and internet bills at starhub at the end of the day. and there the PA was, playing the song by daniel powter…’bad day’. how appropriate.
tomorrow can only get better, right? maybe? what on earth is going on in my life? i seem to be losing some grip over how my days will go. i don’t like to feel the uncertainty so shall we hope that everything will turn in my favour without me moving a finger? let’s do. let’s hope real hard. i have to deserve some happiness after all that crap i’ve had to suffer right? come onnnnnnnnnnnn god! help me!
