another weekend…
…has passed. this weekend has been solely devoted to football. yesterday i played in a 11 a side match between 2 EY offices in singapore. we won 4-2 in a fairly competitive game. this morning, played over 2 hours of footie again. my body’s taken a real pounding but it’s been enjoyable.
over the weekend, when i’m not playing football or resting from football, i’ve been thinking quite hard. i think back to the experience i’ve had throughout the times i was in manchester and all that have happened since. see, i fell in love with a girl when i was there. and all the things that happened between us were somewhat awkward. so many arguments. so many conflicts. so much hurt. yet at the same time so many good moments. so many laughters. so much happiness. i was told by numerous people how i should just walk away because i did not deserve the pain i was going through but me being me, i just refused to give up. at various points though, i kept telling myself i had to go. because some days, the pain of what was happening was simply unbearable.
ever since i came to singapore, i was told by a friend from manchester that i should be careful of who i fall for now. and i guess i’m not great at evaluating this kinda thing. i’m at such a difficult place right now because i’m starting to feel similar feelings to what i had felt before. that kinda feeling that tells me i just need to walk away because i know that if i don’t, i will fall deeper into that hole and the longer i take to walk away, the deeper in i’ll be, and the harder it’ll be for me to get out. the situation though is very different from what it was in manchester. this time, i just cannot mess it up. i’m too afraid to mess it up. and i’ve got way too much to lose if i mess it up. and that’s why i know that i will mess it up.
tomorrow will be a real challenge for me to see how this goes. heck, for the past few weeks it seems like everyday is a real challenge for me to resist some feelings, be it my gut feelings, or just..well..feelings. arghhh…i hate how i have so little control over what’s happening. that’s the worst feeling of my time in manchester, not having a control over the things that happen because in a relationship of any kind between 2 people, the other has some power to make or break your day. even more so if you’re close to him/her. and perhaps not being able to do anything about these kinda things is just frustrating and difficult. i shall see what happens then…
