Ching Szuen

…on april fool’s day of 2006, i ponder to think of what my life has been, and how it has developed into somewhat of a joke. i will be leaving shortly to singapore to begin a whole new journey, to start afresh. the past week or so, as i met up with loads of friends, many have asked what are your feelings towards working in singapore and spending your life there. i can only shrug to that. i don’t know what i feel. i don’t know if i look forward to it excitedly, or feel dampen by the prospect of leaving what i have here in kl behind. but today, the last couple of hours before i leave, i realise my heart is pretty heavy. maybe because i feel like i have some unfinished business. i don’t know.

p/s thanks to those who’ve stuck around. it hasn’t always been a bed of roses but great nevertheless.

…and it went on really boring-ly. because it was my last day and i had already finished all my work and put them up in the office’s shared drive, that meant i had nothing to do the whole day. which meant i spent the whole day reading new york times, and chatting with friends through web messenger, just like i have done the previous week. when the news that it was my last day filtered through my team, it caused somewhat of a surprising commotion. ppl were shocked, asking me why did i quit, and even asking me to retract my resignation letter. then there were those who were wishing the best, and telling me i had a great future ahead based on the work i had done. to be honest, it was all a bit overwhelming to have that sort of a reaction coming from people who i’ve only met for a little over a month. it gives such sense of pride that they felt the way they did and praising me the way they did. and even those of you who are sceptical about their honesty when doing so, at least they made the effort to be so supportive. for that, i’m real appreciative.

oh, before i sign off, today i got my first present for my 22nd birthday. it was from poh lin and aileen. it was a really nice t-shirt…bearing a laydee in bikini for its design. rather perverted, but hey, if it wasn’t, it probably wouldn’t suit me. so with that, thanks a lot poh lin and aileen! and that’s it from me tonight. adios baby.

i just knew that after i celebrated the fact that i was happy at amex, it’ll turn somewhat sour. boycotttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sigh….this is so dreadful. my stupid mouth and the curse that comes along with it. hmmm…can’t use my blue colour again. what’s up with that la? oh and my computer’s gone crazy with the whole fan not working fiasco again. thankfully i’ve twitched it around a bit so it’s working alright now but touch wood if it breaks down again, will have to send to taiwan to fix it which will take 6 weeks. woohooo. life is great.

on an even more positive note(not being sarcastic), went out with sarah and mei seen yesterday. sarah only hung around for a while so had dinner and drinks with mei. was cool to hang out after she went missing for so long. then again, we always meet up every few months so it’s nice. ate at chilli’s, played some pool. was real fun. man do i need more of those. if only she wasn’t such a pervert. then maybe we’d meet up more often. all in all, been quite a good weekend. can’t complain much but OH GOD IT’S FREAKING MONDAY TOMORROW! ARGHHHHHHHH! *ahem* i mean…yay!

…that the past 2+ years have really screwed me more than i thought before. the experience of that time have somehow made me so anxious and neurotic and bordering on crazy even. i just realised that if you dump me into a somewhat similar situation, i’d act so stupidly that i can’t believe myself. and i guess i’m in here typing because i just want to remind myself that the past should be left there and i should always always resist my natural instincts to act like a fool. hmmm..i wonder how long will i remember this..

p/s i can’t use my usual blue colour cos it’s somehow not working properly…so guess this will have to do.

i don’t wanna go to work anymore! i don’t wanna go to work anymore! i don’t wanna go to work anymore! i don’t wanna go to work anymore! i don’t wanna go to work anymore!  i don’t wanna go to work anymore! i don’t wanna go to work anymore! i don’t wanna go to work anymore! i don’t wanna go to work anymore! ok think i’m done. but hang on….i don’t wanna go to work anymore! ok i’m done. sighhh…. 

…i’ve felt a little weird. i can’t really put my finger on what makes me feel that way but maybe it’s the thought of leaving kl. for as long as i’ve been working at amex, which admittedly hasn’t been very long, i’ve been happy. i know i complain about the politics and all that’s going on in there but i revel in those situations. in fact today was the first time i realised i too am able to give what i took. i like to think i can hold my own without feeling stressed nor pressured, up till now anyway. plus, i laugh at the situations more than anything. just ask my colleague, michelle. i couldn’t stop smiling today after dishing out some dirt myself. hahahaha man it still makes me smile.

but it’s not all those things that happen in the office that makes me feel the way i do. maybe it’s that i know i’m leaving soon and there will be a few people i’ll miss hanging out with? there’ve been a few that i have just been able to click with and click very well too. especially one particular person i know i’d miss going to work with. so when asked the question ‘how are we going to keep in touch when we eventually leave amex’, the reply that came my way was ‘through friendster’, my heart admittedly sunk a bit. then when the answer was revised to ‘telephone’, my heart went afloat, but when revised again to ’sms’, it just went back to its original state. conclusion? no deflation nor elation. haha as usual, things in my life always takes the long route through different levels of emotions before reaching its destination. well, whether or not i’ll be able to keep in touch with you, i guess there’ll always be the scars on my fingers to remember you by. i told you i’m annoyingly sentimental..

…isn’t at all what i expected. i woke up this ‘morning’ at 12 ish, went to turn on my comp, washed up and everything, then went online. then chatted with a friend and received a piece of news that i should have been happy about. but in true inexplicable fashion, i didn’t really feel happy, but maybe the opposite. i can’t really explain what it’s like. i should have been happy but instead, on a more selfish perspective perhaps, i’m not really happy and maybe i’m a little surprised or a little something. i don’t know. am i starting to sound like i’m blabbering? ah well, the same friend said to me just over a week back ‘doesn’t it feel so much better after typing into your blog?’ i guess maybe that’s why i’m here. i guess i could only have so many good days in a row eh? today, i’ve been humbled somewhat.

gonna go low yat soon to buy new speakers for my comp. gonna play futsal at 8-10 tonight. hmmm..was enthused about futsal earlier but me being me, when i start the day badly, it ruins most of the rest of the day. so currently i’m attempting to get rid of that slight ill feeling by crapping some more in here. but my mind’s blank now so i’m gonna stop. it’s ok. tomorrow will be a brand new day so i’ll start over. come onnnnnnnnnnnnnn monday!

…to anything in life is that situations will jump up and surprise you in very special ways. after my previous post, i had given up on looking forward to the next day. but as my first sentence suggests, i’ve been very pleasantly surprised the past 3 days. there’ve been elements which are not so fun, namely the politics that have very quickly crept into my team at work, but i shall focus on the brighter aspects of my life which have put some smiles onto my face.

alright, been some time since i’ve sounded this cheerful. but a simple text msg made my day today. and it’s wonderful. and i shall stop saying more cos that’ll just jinx me, knowing my stupid mouth. haha until then. it’s back to office politics tomorrow! woohoooo!!

…to anything in life is that situations are constantly changing and surprising you in many ways. on thursday i said i looked forward to friday, but it didn’t go at all like originally thought. was a bit disappointed at first but as it turned out, a few spontaneous plans with old friends made it a fun night.

actually planned for something today as well but again didn’t go to plan. so instead, a phonecall from poh lin and an hour later, i was at 1u with her and aileen. had lunch, walked about, caught up a little. this just shows how funny my life is. the plans are hardly delivered as unexpectations litter around. don’t know if it’s a good thing that my life seems so uncertain but sometimes it’s nice to have something to look forward to that is actually good going. hmmm…

why so? because today i’ve been told that i seem to be a very negative person sometimes(that’s not the ‘good’ part btw…we’ll come to that later). maybe i am quite negative sometimes. other times i prefer to think i’m just realistic. i don’t know if i could be seen as negative from my entries in here but the past few years are times i prefer to try leave where they are, in the past. i don’t always succeed(or rather, i hardly do), but i try. i must admit i sound so depressed though. and today is a time for me to rid of that note. hehe

after that, head was still feeling a little light but went on to have dinner at soul’d out in hartamas. it was a rather lovely dinner…though the carbonara i was having was starting to get real filling. haha had a good time chatting and eating, must have been quite long since i had a good time like that. only complaint was when i caught 2 ppl making out in a car, with 1 on top of the other, while walking to our car. it would have been more understandable if they weren’t parked right in front of safiz(the mamak next to soul’d out). what has the world come to?? don’t make the world watch you getting it on in the car! get a room man! :S

so why weird but good day? ermm…weird cos…was filled with unusual events lah. and good…because…i feel happy lah. hahaha…self explanatory really but heck it. if you read up till now, just share my joy. don’t question my stupid statement. hahaha been sometime since i keep looking forward to the next day but i somehow can’t wait to see the sunrise again tomorrow. not looking forward to next wednesday though. sighhhh….boohoooooo!