Ching Szuen

….mei seen took an initiative to give me a call last night. even more surprising was i was talking to her on yahoo messenger when she called. why she called? to ask about some ‘gossip’ i’d just let her in on! what a buddy! always ffk me and forgets to call me but this, she made the effort to call! damn you wong mei seen!

hmmm…so…haven’t had much to say lately cos everyday’s felt like crap and didn’t think i should rant too much on here. have problems on many fronts of my life but helpless to solve any of them. pretty disgusting feeling. seriously, let’s wish all will change soon. i need everything to change soon. come onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn december! don’t disappoint me…

…are difficult times. ‘free’ you say? ‘holiday’? ‘enjoying’ myself? i think the most appropriate response to that is ‘ha ha ha’. i don’t even know what i wanna say anymore cos everyday i get every bit of my energy sapped out of me just wondering, thinking, and hoping how things could have been different.

i think that’s probably all i wanna type cos i really don’t have much good to say. and i don’t wanna sound all depressed and shit(though i am). so we’ll just leave it at that today. as it has been with the previous 5 posts or something…

…what i’m currently feeling? you know how you do certain things to make someone happy? and you wanna do it for the sole intention of making that person happy? and as glad as you are that you’ve accomplished what you want to do, perhaps you would feel like you deserve more in return than a bad treatment? i mean it doesn’t mean that you’re doing something hoping for something in return but naturally even if it’s not gratitude you get in return, surely you’d be disappointed if it’s less than that you ‘receive’ right? or am i wrong? is it wrong if you’ve treat a person well for a long long time and just hope that even if you don’t get back what you give(you hardly ever do), at least things won’t turn out bad? would it be ‘calculative’ to be thinking this way? i don’t know how ‘calculative’ i am but it’d just be great if you’d see my views too.

…comfort in pain? where’s my comfort in pain?

words. they mean nothing. we merely made words to communicate. can
words sufficiently express the way we feel? no. words cannot. they
never will. i have no words for the way i feel about things for the
past few weeks. and i’ll never find them. no word is fitting enough.
not one. resentment? anger? frustration? no. there’s just pain. it’s more than just words. it’s just tears and rain.

i hate my life. i hate women. i hate the ppl who influence the women. i hate everything. i hope you’re happy now. fuck this shit. fuck you all out there who make me feel like shit. i’m a fucking good person. now fuck off.