yes mr. beaver…
…you are indeed ghey ghey ghey ghey ghey. hahahaha btw…i’m free the coming week so while you’re in kl, you should contact me. be the ghey stalker that you are. no worries. moving on…today i finally called mei and talked to her for a bit. been good to catch up on things from 2 months back. she’s still a pervert. finally found out her ambition, her dream is to become a house wife. hahahaha so nice guys out there…go look for her. then again, only really really nice guys are allowed. if you’re only ‘really nice’, then bugger off. you’re not good enough. i mean it.
my shuttle fan broke down again a couple of days back. or was it yesterday? i don’t know…time passes too god damn slow when i’m in this state of mind. mei told me to treat this time that i’m not working to be a holidaying period but it’s not holiday when i am actually suffering a little bit eh? so god damn it make this end!
today i went to see a chinese doc again for my breathing problem that hasn’t gone away just yet. she said there’s still some sort of ‘blockage’ in me that’s causing the problem. the said ‘blockage’ refers to the things that have been going on in my mind but not let out. unfortunately, i can’t let these things out cos if i do, then i’ll have to suffer repercussions of it, and i’m not intending to go back to ‘that place’ anytime soon, if you know what i mean. ah well…life’s a bitch…
talking about suffering repercussions, so why do ppl do things without thinking that then ends up to be screwed up and finally sulking over them? my theory is that sometimes even when people do think about their actions before carrying them out, they tend to leave out the possibility of things going wrong. it’s something like…choosing only to see the benefits or rewards that can be gained from doing certain things but turning a blind eye to the negatives or backlash that could happen should it go against the plan. someone’s told me that when she wants to do something (to someone, perhaps) there’s no point discussing the effects, however negative, with that person because she really wants to do it anyway. how the other person feels about the decision or situation does not matter a single bit (and when i say this, i mean a depressing feeling) as long as she wants to do it.
so is it fair to say that my theory is put into practice in this case? i really think so. why wouldn’t you think about the unhappiness that you put yourself and the other person through before deciding to make a decision that will affect both your lives? shouldn’t you be respecting the other’s views? shouldn’t you be considering the other’s feelings? shouldn’t there be at least a discussion of which action is the best option?
and then there’s the ‘i did it for the best interest of yours’ explanation. how would it be the best interest of the other if you don’t talk to them about it? how do you know what’s the preferred option of the other? how is it that you refuse to consider other aspects of an action apart from ‘i really wanna do it’? at the risk of sounding like a sexist, this is the sort of irrationality that has come to dictate the actions of women. man oh man…if you’re guessing that i’m writing this through experience, then give yourself a pat in the back cos i’ve suffered this many times over. no, it doesn’t mean i have not suffered bouts of irrationality time and again. it just means my irrationality does not involve cases like this that affects the lives of others in such a huge manner. either way, if i’ve done that before to anyone, then please accept my apologies. if not, please don’t do it to others. communication is the tool for success in handling relationships. it wouldn’t hurt to discuss a thing or two sometimes…
