Archive for May, 2005

waiting to go for dinner…

Thursday, May 26th, 2005

ok…so i’m all dressed up and ready to go for dinner tonight with wee kiat, bryan, kok kin, ling yu and dawn. but only problem is they’re not ready yet. lalalala i’m bored. just jumping around singing ‘everybody’s dancing in the moonlight!’. oh…this post is in another colour cos my computer konked out last week. so now i’m on my lousy old one. yes the misery never ends! haha anyway…today i have a self-granted day off from stardeeing. good job. so i went to town for grocery shopping, came back talk a bit of crap with tai uei, then went swimming. my swimming is slowly getting better. YESSSSS!! hahahaha so long haven’t swam already i lost everything.sighhh oh wait! that’s a msg telling me to leave. so here i go. adios amigos…*mutters*…stupid cliche…..

listening to sammi cheng at 2am…

Saturday, May 21st, 2005

yup..that’s what i’m doing right now. slept earlier at bout 11 and thought ‘great..no need for pills tonight’. what do i know…i woke up at 12 something with no sleepiness anymore. crap. woke up today…went to eat brunch at subway..then went to pub to watch united v cheaters(arsenal) in fa cup final. of course, united just had to dominate the entire game with the gooners reduced to just 1 shot on target(from a damn free kick) in 120 minutes of football, only to lose the damn game on penalties. and duh my favourite player of all time for united…scholesy that is….just had to miss the penalty that brought tears to the united camp. regardless, hats off to the whole team for inspired performances throughout. if only we had the rub of the green, we’d trashed them gooners 10-0, without a doubt. cheating cheating reyes, vieira, cole and lauren. yawn…what’s new with the gooners eh? ’same old arsenal, always cheating!’ you’ll be hearing me chant that every year from now on. at least it can only get better from here. ronnie, rooney, fletch…they’re gonna be world class. best 3 players in the world in fact. just watch. until then…let’s get back to me. i mean this is what it’s all about anyway right? hold it…does anyone actually read this?? hahaha oh well…it’s like an open diary thing and a way for me to rant rant and rant somemore about how i can’t sleep and breathe and how i can’t stop thinking about…well… anyway….exams now right? oh yeah..that’s right…exams are going well…i mean i know hardly anything about the 5 papers i’m gonna sit for soon but heck it’ll all be over in 2 weeks! woohoooooo! ermmm….anyway….

yet another saturday…

Saturday, May 14th, 2005

yes…yet another saturday wondering what the heck to do. of course exams start in 5 days’ time but stardeeing isn’t exactly really fun. besides..brain is totally unwilling to cooperate in hitting the books so what should i do? staring blankly into notes and all only makes it worse. hmmm…well..think i should go town and take a walk. i’m bored! bahhhhhh…oh…went to see the doctor on tuesday. she prescribed me with some more anti depressants! haha..good job. this time with a higher dose. just as aileen once labelled me..’pill popper’. i wanna go homeeeeeeeeee. homeeeeeee…’where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came.’ haha..sorry…took that right out of friends. oh…my latest favourite songs are ‘cu kuang’ and ‘gei ni xing fu’ by richie ren and also ‘the way you make me feel’ by ronan keating. hmmm…alan just asked me to play footie at 6…think i should go release stress on the damn balls. haha i just realised i’m randomly changing topics from 1 line to another. bahhhhh…good job…i’m bored again…’ni sien jai hau ma? jing tien kuai le ma?’

first post in a blog!

Saturday, May 7th, 2005

hmmm…first post ever in a blog. my blog. never tried anything like this before. never thought i would. it’s 2:47am right now on the 8th of may 2005. feeling somewhat lost. the past 2 weeks of my life has been nothing short of hell. certain things happened, i’ve lost an important part of my life, and the timing’s horribly awful with exams coming up in 11 days. this is just great. i’ve been thinking too much, doing too little, and sleeping hardly enough. to compound my misery, i’m starting to get insomnia and migraine back. some people say i complain a lot. it’s hard not to when there seems to be nothing to cheer about here in this foreign country. i’ve said all along the past few years i regret studying here in manchester. i’ve never felt more strongly about that than i have in the past 2 weeks. motivation, direction, targets, dreams. they’ve been missing lately. how am i going to cope with my finals? last exams of my life and i’m in the worst possible condition to face it. maybe people out there will say ‘be grateful since you could be in a worse situation like xxx’ but to be honest, them saying that will not change the fact that i’m feeling like i’m 60 feet under the ground. AND i’ll feel even worse since i still feel like shit and now i get the added feeling of guilt for being depressed. ahhh…what the hell am i supposed to do now? geez…i need more of em anti depressants. on the brighter side…ermmm…i’m still alive? well…i guess i just need to figure out why women enjoy putting me through hell, from 1 to another. if only i didn’t give a damn how anyone else felt. if only i don’t care about others. if only i’d be able to give people shit like i just don’t care. if only i were ghey. well…not really…